293) Playing The Game

Ack, I forgot to slap a title on yesterday's blog post. My heart stopped because I thought the whole entry hadn't posted. Whew.

Let me preface tonight's Plan post by saying that it's meant to be an analysis and not a rant. Here goes.



Recently I've been having a lot of conversations with friends about The Game. I'm relatively new to the whole real world dating scene, as I was able to maintain steady relationships while I was in LA. While most are familiar with those silly, antiquated "rules" (origin unknown) - wait 3 days before calling, etc, I never fully appreciated the modern Game until now.

The Game is very simple. Those playing strive to maintain control over the situation, often by appearing the most aloof. Here's an example. My friend has been texting this girl he met recently. But every time he sends her a message, it takes her half a day to respond. In turn, he feels obligated to also wait to reply to her messages, so he doesn't appear too eager. It's as if texting back immediately shows that you have nothing else going on in your life, that you're waiting around, hanging on their every text.

Given that we are hardly ever more than 5 yards from our cell phones (can't find the exact stat, but it's something like that), it's unlikely that this girl really is so busy that she needs hours to respond. The deliberate holding off on replying is just part of The Game. Also part of The Game is not having the last word in a conversation (leave them hanging), seeming like you have more plans than you really do - in short, playing hard to get.

Here's the analysis part. Loyal readers will know that I'm a sucker for biological explanations. I like figuring out what from our ancestral past is driving basic current behavior. Social/sexual relations are especially pertinent, since so much is related to the goal of reproducing.

It would seem as though playing The Game would actually deter reproduction from happening. Logically, if everyone was straight forward about what they wanted, or what they were feeling, people would be quicker to meet up, to hook up, etc. So why play The Game?

For females, it makes more sense. The fairer sex, as they call us, wants to find the most fit mate that will stick around when the babies are born. By playing hard to get, she puts the male through a sort of test to see if he perseveres and continues to pursue her. If you've watched any nature show clip where the female bird stands quietly watching the male bird flop around and expose his chest only to have her take off, you know what I'm talking about (see above).

But for males the reason is less clear. In the never ending quest (evolutionarily speaking) to produce as many offspring as possible, it would seem that the faster a man can do the deed, the better. But does playing hard to get make him seem more desirable, more fit to a female, more likely to be chosen? Or did the straight-to-the-point approach fail to work on the modern female, and therefore, men became socialized to appear less available as a work-around?

And where does the "thrill is in the chase" sentiment come into play? That the fun of dating is the pursuit, the synchronized evasion dance. Why is non-evasion equated with less desirability?

Am detecting rantiness, so will end it there. (For the record, The Game is silly, confusing and exhausting.)