Today, Eric and I got into a discussion about best friends of the opposite sex. I was all set to write about my theory, when he swooped in with an opposing view.
Hollywood has its fair share of opposite sex best friend models. One of my favorite cheeseball movies, My Best Friend's Wedding, Keeping the Faith, Maid of Honor. The premise is largely the same. Longtime best friend suddenly realizes that s/he loves the other, just as (and sometimes prompted by) the other's engagement to an outside party. Consistent elements include the words, "constant in my life" and the startling realization (only blatantly obvious to the audience) that the love of their life has been right in front of them.
That's all fine, but what about in real life? I've always been fascinated by male-female best friends.
Here's my theory. Opposite sex best friends have an undeniable chemistry. This is due to the fact that at one point attraction existed. Whether initial or constant, mutual or one-sided, some type of sexual tension bonded the involved parties at some point. It may never be acted on or acknowledged, but deep down, it is an ingredient of closeness.
Eric's theory is this. Given the choice, a male will only form a close friendship with a female he's not attracted to. No guy wants to be best friends with a physically desirable girl - he wants to be with her. Of course there are other mitigating factors that contribute to potential friendship - if she's already in a relationship, for example.
I was blown away - I've never thought about it that way. Is the male's biological drive to spread his seed at odds with the female's desire for an emotional (and platonic) connection? While seemingly opposing, we agreed that our theories don't have to be mutually exclusive. But more research is needed to speak further on the issue. Furthermore, are all our opposite sex friendships unique, or are there generalizations that can be made about our motivation to seek out (or avoid) non-sexual male-female relationships?
To be continued...
3 comments:
"but i HAVE to be jello!!"
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BE JELLO.
For the guy that knows how to get the girl, I can understand Eric's perspective. For the guy that is less-than-confident, becoming friends with the girl he likes/loves may be the only way he knows how to get close to her. This of course relates to the "friend zone" dilemma, one of the biggest challenges facing nice guys all over the world. Can't wait to hear more on this debate...
In the end, it is 99.99999999% IMPOSSIBLE for a straight guy and a straight girl to maintain a purely platonic relationship. They either a) end up getting married or b) go their separate ways. I'm sorry but the only way this will work is if one or both of the members of this friendship happens to swing on the other side of the plate. Just my $0.02.
As for men lacking in the confidence department. It is a matter of time, eventually either through the gradual process of social training or a "EUREKA I'M A FRIGGIN MAN" moment, they get the cajones to do their anthropological duty and become the hunter and go after their chosen mate. It's been this way since time memoriam, and written about over and over, best by Shakespeare :D
-Yul
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