362) Sway Just a Little

They say to write what you know. Tonight, something I know nothing about.

I had a long catch up conversation with a girlfriend of mine the other day. She has a boyfriend of several years (who does not read The Plan) who recently moved abroad (disclosed with permission, of course). Despite the commonly known and accepted fact that long distance relationships are difficult, they decided to stay together (there's a great Sex and City line that gets to the heart of it - "And then Trey told the lie that all parents to be tell themselves to procreate. 'We will be different.'")

Should she decide that for whatever reason she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore, a cause and effect dynamic has been put in place that makes any initiation of split that much harder. Clearly, her boyfriend wouldn't have left behind a good relationship if it wasn't to pursue something important to him. But a split initiated from home will inherently make him feel like he had made a mistake, that chasing his dream was wrong - that it's the direct cause of this heartbreaking effect. And who wants to be broken up with while on foreign soil? The guilt of knowing his lack of support system abroad is enough to keep her in it.

It doesn't matter if long distance itself is the culprit, or if the distance is simply a window through which certain things about the relationship become clear - it will be interpreted the same way. It's a difficult position to be in, for all parties involved (including me, who has no idea what advice to give).

This is certainly not meant to pass judgment on those who do choose to do long distance. And clearly, not all long distance relationships are doomed (this one included). I've had plenty of friends who are doing it, have done it, and come out the other side, still together - strong, if not stronger than before. The physical separation of two people with an emotional connection is powerful, for better or for worse.

And as much as I shake my head and back away from the very thought of long distance, my friend put me in my place. "But Natalie," she said, "if it's worth it, why wouldn't you?"


(Start at 1:45. Trust.)

(Mini aside - 3!)