190) Mr. Lonely

(Photo from theage.com.)

First, apologies for the briefest of posts last night. I got caught in one of those unplanned, out late social situations where the only way to get the entry done was on my cellphone. Second, the more I listen to the video blog post I made a couple days ago, the more I realize it sounds nothing like me. I have no idea why I pitched my voice so high, but my real voice is lower and less girly sounding. I guess it was a combination of self-consciousness, hesitation over not knowing what to say, and sleepiness.

Rebuilding a social circle from the ground up is proving to be just as hard as I anticipated. Before I made the move, I told myself there would be days where I would feel lonely. Having a handful of friends that live here is all well and fine, but as much as they try to include me in their own social circles, I feel out of place, like a square peg being wedged into a circular hole. This is not meant to sound ungrateful - I love my old friends who are here, and appreciate it so much when they include me, when they introduce me to new people. It doesn't help that my personality is pointedly introverted, making new social situations a task.

I know that things will get easier and get better. I moved to NY for something new, and this, this is part of the newness. Starting at a new job, having some structure in my days will help a lot. I called on some faraway friends tonight, to talk through some of the loneliness, and it definitely helped. I feel like this is a cliche phase in the whole uproot and move process, so I thought I'd document it. Hopefully soon I'll look back and realize how good things have gotten since then.